Today, my scalar rating of just how badly i want a time machine was unusually high, a full 8.5. This is only .5 less than the time i sent a message that further ruined an already unstable and unhealthy relationship, and left me far worse off than not having a formal date. It is equal to the time i said aphrodisiac in front of my parents by accident. Interestingly enough though, nothing really went catastrophically wrong. It was just the realization of how much i have let my relationship problems actually ruin a good portion of my young life. In fact, while i was brainstorming that earlier comparison, almost all of the regrets i could think of were one's to do with my pursuit of having a girlfriend. It has more or less destroyed my education, and there is evidence to support my theory that I'm not just lazy. That's why if I ever make a time machine, screw going forward in time and buying a sports almanac, the improvement redirecting myself to things that actually matter, would easily pay for itself. BUT no time to wallow in self pity. All is well here and now, and nothing can change what has happened. "no regrets."- Scott That's the thing about life, the simple concept that has taken me a full 18 years to grasp. That the time travel available in your mind is only ever going to lead to a bittersweet frustration. In a sense you can immerse yourself in your memories, but no amount of re-thinking ever changed the past. No amount of listening to 90's on ''forgotten 'till recovered, then satisfyingly familiar'' discs will ever make boy bands cool again, mobile phones the size of bricks, and the biggest problem in your life will never again be if you get to wash, or dry the dishes. (on a side note I am listening to the proclaimers as I type) Nevertheless, this is my brain I'm counting on, and it has a lifetime reputation of not letting go of unwanted information. For example i still know every word to Cha Cha Cha by Jimmy Luxury and the Tommy Rome orchestra, which I haven't heard since 1998. So inevitably my brain perpetually loops over regretted experiences. If we were to equate my life experience to say, a library, the section marked 'regrets' would be about the size of the dictionaries/atlas section, but my brain can only really can be bothered to leaf through the most recent. Which is almost like watching the same episode of Seinfeld, over and over again, causing a temporary state of insanity. This is truly an unorganised vent of my frustration, allow me to 'summarise' the point of this rant...
Imagine you're driving to a party, and you're late, very late. So you're speeding a little, you read the street sign you were looking for and dart into the street. It seemed a little odd that there were no cars parked out the front, or balloons, or in fact any sign of celebration. Nonetheless You knock on the door of no.7. Only to find its the wrong street, wasting yet more precious time. Embarrassed, you apologize to the 58 year old shirtless man who's birthday it wasn't, and dash back to the car. So you re-enter the main road, and begin to drive more slowly to give you time to read the signs more carefully. Then out of nowhere a van pokes out of the bushes and gauges your speed. Luckily because of the previous dilemma which seemed bad at the time, has now put you in the right place at the right time, at the right speed! That's my optimistic theory on the purpose of regrets.
I heard this on the lyrics of a 90's pop song and felt it was relevant... And of course you can't become if you only say what you would have done
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